Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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