turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
