I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
