I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dignity is for republicans.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
