i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
