So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
