I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
