the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
