I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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