these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
