Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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