There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
