apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
