god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
