this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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