The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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