I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
