I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
