Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize