I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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