can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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