that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
