the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
