Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
As shirtless as possible
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
