Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
if only i could text you this smell
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
