So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
