Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
