my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
