im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I understand Curling. That high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
