I hope mine doesn't look like that
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
