I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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