i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Your penis caused this!
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