all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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