He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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