You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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