I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
