so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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