maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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