Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
