these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
