just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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