Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Randomize