Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
