I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
