I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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