I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
