Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
