i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
