I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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