just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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