I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
