I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
