Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
