Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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