Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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