A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
