Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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