What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
