Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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