Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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