Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
