Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
