ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
