I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
