Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
