i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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